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Stuck.  Always stuck on some part of my manuscript.  For the longest time, the transition from the land of Darii into the land of Hummic (to be renamed!) threw me.  I’m nearing the end of the book and I have an entirely new land, with new cultures, and with the Starriders instead of the Aelfan.  It was hard to figure out the right approach, but I’m happy to report, I did it.  I’ve managed to revamp three chapters this year, but now chapter 54 has me stuck again.

That’s why I was so looking forward to my vacation at Gold Beach.  I stay in a dated little basement guest apartment with shabby furniture and old appliances and one of those metal-legged Formica-topped tables.  Every day, I get up, put on headphones and walk by the beach.  Then I write write write all day long. I’ve written probably a quarter of my book in that basement. To me, it’s a little piece of heaven.  No five-star hotel could drag me from it.

But alas, this year it was not to be.  I was so burnt out by my efforts with the first Silicon Valley Comic Con that I just wanted to crawl under a rock.  The thought of packing and driving all day made me shudder.  Turns out my friend who goes with me felt the same way about going this year because of family issues.  Just wasn’t in the cards.

But, next week, I get to go to Klamath Falls with my folks and stay in the Pine Cone Guest Suite that I decorated.  I will set up my computer next to the window, and I will be able to see a tiny corner of Klamath Lake…it’s not the seaside of Gold Beach, but I’m looking forward to it all the same!

I keep telling everyone I’m quitting working, then something comes up.  I finally decided to stop editing even fiction manuscripts except for a very few clients.  This year, I told myself, This year I will finish it.

But as usual, something came up. The startup where my husband worked shut down.  So I’ve taken on three more manuscripts to pay the bills.  Only one is fiction; nonfiction pays so much better I had to take it.  But if I had to pick from  former clients to work with, these would be the guys.  So I look forward to working with them again.

But unfortunately, that means that I’m not going to have time to work on my manuscript much again. I worry these days about it; I have another birthday in ten days.  I really must finish and sent this out.   Sigh…

The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men Gang aft agley.

Went to BayCon over Memorial Day weekend.  Wasn’t going to go this year.  So much work to do as I exit the job.  But they invited me.  This is the first year I’ve been invited to a con rather than petitioning it for admittance.  ConVolution did, too.

I have to say I really enjoyed the three events I participated in.  I did a first try at By the Water Cooler: Tales Authors & Editors Tell. Panelists Josh Kagan and Sarah Kuhn did not disappoint.  Both had interesting takes on this interesting industry.  Both were funny and charming.

Then I participated in a world-building panel moderated by Kyle Aisteach.  Third time I’ve been on a panel with him.  He is also charming and interesting.  I very much enjoyed that panel, too.

And the writers’ workshop couldn’t have gone better.  Very talented writers this year. I was blessed, because I’m so busy, a messy & awful manuscript would have had me pulling my hair out with my workload right now.

I even got to be a judge for the talent show.

But something was missing.  I remember when instead of a talent show, BayCon put on a masquerade. First the costumers would come out and parade across the stage, then the dancing would start.  I met Tad Williams, Poul and Karen Anderson, Jennifer Roberson, and even Ray Bradbury there…and I talked to each one, all gracious.

This year the con lacked energy.  If felt small. I got snubbed by one of the guests, and I wasn’t the only one to be so snubbed.  I feel very bad for BayCon because the people running it were good to me, and I like them. But I do long for the days when it was 3000 strong and had such people as Ray Bradbury and hordes of Klingons roaming the halls.

I sit here and I don’t know what to say.  Today is an important day for me, but I’m still just sitting in my home office. I’m arranging the mail I have to send.  I’m planning how far to edit a novel I’m been hired on to do.  Thinking about cleaning up the house.  Housecleaner and friends are coming this week.  All in all, a very mundane day.

But it’s not.

I remember the first time I completed a draft of my novel. It was called In the Light of God then.  I was so full of excited energy, I had to mark the event somehow.  Even though it was late, I put on my headphones and walked through Rinconada Park singing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” at the top of my lungs. That was a bucket-list moment.

Today is another bucket-list moment.  I saw my name up on Amazon as the editor of a published science fiction novel.  It took until I was 51, but I got there.

I wonder where that Journey CD went…

While I still have my day job, I wanted to get in another character portrait…or two.  What started my quest for character portraits was a lovely picture called Sunrise that I thought looked like my Elvish princess.  First I contracted for the protagonist, Falion.  The person in Sunrise isn’t Elvish so I next contracted to have a few details changed to match my story. The Elvish princess is not the female lead, but she is the light of Falion’s life…or at least his daydreams.  I know he can’t wind up with her, but in my daydreams, well after the story is finished, Falion goes off to be a hermit in the woods and finds her to live out his days.  So I wanted him to be together with her on my walls.